he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
