jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
