For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
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He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
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Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse