did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize