Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
this will be a night to untag.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?