she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself