my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.