i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.