I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just found puke in my bra..
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?