her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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