Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
