Pants 0. Shit 1.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
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hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
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Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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