The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
