You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
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Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
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We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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