...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
