i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
