the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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