Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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