I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize