FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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