Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize