OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
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taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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