Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize