jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
