I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
