I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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