I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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