Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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