I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"