Jerry, you need to find god
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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