you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
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i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
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YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.