we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The uberlube is also flammable
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.