a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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