margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
