I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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