Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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