if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.