I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
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I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
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Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit