Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...