3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.