You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.