FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do