How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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