Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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