Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize