I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
