I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.