Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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