i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
