Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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