If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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