drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
