I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
