God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
