I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize