He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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