the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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