Do you still have your period?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
