booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
