Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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