Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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